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Far from being a seedy, frightening world of pain, power and darkness, my dungeon is more like an arena for adult role-play, where fantasies are explored and the mind freed from everyday stresses. For some, it's skiing or stamp-collecting; for others it's dressing as a schoolboy and getting spanked by a 6ft stuntwoman in a corset.

After becoming a dominatrix and adopting the persona of the leather-clad Mistress Xena because of my resemblance to the warrior princess, I realised clients couldn't talk comfortably to me about their sessions.

A dominatrix provides a surreal sensory experience, maintaining an unobtainable aura that feeds into the fantasy.

We do not learn a range of specialist skills and invest in expensive clothing and equipment simply to lie on our backs.

I would be interested in a tough and demanding BDSM session.

I do have experience but it is not regular as I am in a normal relationship (but I do manage a session once or twice a year and I started at around 22 years old).

It's all part of the fantasy, and writers get a thrill knowing they will be read by me.

But they also need to understand my parameters – that there are things I won't do – and they must accept that they won't touch me.

I managed to help him sort it out so he could return to his job as a long-distance lorry driver. Dear Mistress Xena Thank you for allowing me to contact you.

But I do not want you shouting and screaming at me.

I would like you charming, wicked, with a sense of humour and to encourage me and guide me through the session but never hesitating to push me.

If I agree to see a client, they'll bring a letter to the session.

I'll ask whether they really want something or have just written it down in excitement. Everybody has an erotic pain level, which triggers endorphins, and a point where pain becomes uncomfortable. Many men think they can handle pain but most are quite soft.

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